Doorstep interaction with Tory councillor

(doorbell)
Me: hello
Him: hi (! - how modern), I'm your (newish, youngish shinyish Tory) local councillor, just calling to see if there are any problems you have that I can help with?
Me: Well, I have a few problems, not sure you can help with them though...
Him: Try me!
Me: Why, do you help people with their mental health problems now?
Him: Erm... well, no, I meant do you have any issues in the area that I can perhaps help you with?
Me: Well, I do get frightened of my neighbours.
Him: Why's that then?
Me: I don't think you can help with that can you?
Him: Well, if there isn't anything else, just get in touch if you think of anything else, here's a leaflet. I just live up the road.
Me: Oh, just up the road (named road)?
Him: Er, no, further up.
Me: Oh, on (named the road a bit further away but still on the dodgy estate that I live on)
Him: Er, no, a bit further than that.
Me: so not really local then...
Him: See you then, get in touch anytime, can I just ask, is there any chance that you will be voting for us on May 5th?
Me: I don't think there is any chance that I will be voting for you or your party.
Him: (backing away down the path) No chance? Ok bye then.

Please don't come to my door. I don't make sense. Equally, you don't make sense. That doesn't mean we understand each other. I don't want to talk to you about local issues that only become very important to you around election times. I find the door bell going very triggery.

Who on earth am I?

Struggling again with identity. When alone it doesn't matter. Or does it matter more because I am alone, does my confusion about this add to keeping me alone? When around people, who on earth am I? Most people have different sides to themselves that come to the fore in different situations I think. I believe that I have good insight but I don't know how I come across, so maybe I don't have insight - something I have been clinging to with hope. Maybe because how I feel is so at odds with how I seem to be able to perform.
So, as I have no idea what to write here, thought I'd start a list of roles and things that I feel identify me, see if that helps. Self absorbed, me??!

I am:
female
british
gay
binge eater
borderline
obese
mental health service user
graduate
daughter
sister
aunty
friend (bit unsure of this just now but trying)
gym member
benefit scum
walker
community member
patient
cat owner
tenant
radio 4 listener

Wonder what made these come out in this order... they aren't all in order of importance. Or my order of importance, but what do I know, no idea who I am or what I think.

... mixed up

Good things today:
Beautiful bird song from black birds singing so loudly it drowned out the traffic. 
Fish and Chips.
I got to the gym, and survived, hurray.
Planting seeds.

Tricky things today:
Saw a mh worker when really didn't want to.
Busy places - felt skinless and useless, why is it so hard to enjoy things? 
My eating - out of control. 

No idea how to use this blog.

Shit

And?
Nothing. Am lost, whirling in my own head while the world outside seems to be dashing in the opposite direction. I want to puncture myself, to feel, to numb, to feel, to not. Shit.

I think I'm back, isn't that thrilling?

Maybe I will blog again, third time lucky?
But, due to ongoing paranoia am thinking of maybe just doing one line posts, or mundane mumblings of small life stuff. Will see. Have just missed feeling part of the blogging community, even tho still following the blogs I regularly read, it seems/feels wrong to not at least try and blog myself.
Brief update, have started TC. It is very very very very very hard. My head is hurting and I am hurting myself to try and relieve this pain.
Small life stuff has helped today though, why are jobs like emptying bins, cleaning the bathroom, washing my cat's food bowls, doing washing, sooo satisfying? Blue sky and sunshine outside, but can't face leaving my flat as neighbours are outside. How pathetic. How nice it is to moan here again. Maybe I say too much for one liners....