ugh

Riveting here ain't it?! Still battling with myself as to whether it's safe to post here about how I feel, so not around much, but still following others so keeping this blog (barely) alive.
Currently the jury is out as to whether I can safely write but am still feeling lots and nowhere to go with it.
Struggling with urges to cut, as if running away from my head but keep returning to the same circular train of thoughts that will not leave me alone. Will cutting help? No. Will it reinforce my self hatred? Yes. Will it give more weight to the BPd diagnosis? Probably/yes. Wah.
But I am still alive and able to think about these things so it's not all bad.

Who on earth am I?

Struggling again with identity. When alone it doesn't matter. Or does it matter more because I am alone, does my confusion about this add to keeping me alone? When around people, who on earth am I? Most people have different sides to themselves that come to the fore in different situations I think. I believe that I have good insight but I don't know how I come across, so maybe I don't have insight - something I have been clinging to with hope. Maybe because how I feel is so at odds with how I seem to be able to perform.
So, as I have no idea what to write here, thought I'd start a list of roles and things that I feel identify me, see if that helps. Self absorbed, me??!

I am:
female
british
gay
binge eater
borderline
obese
mental health service user
graduate
daughter
sister
aunty
friend (bit unsure of this just now but trying)
gym member
benefit scum
walker
community member
patient
cat owner
tenant
radio 4 listener

Wonder what made these come out in this order... they aren't all in order of importance. Or my order of importance, but what do I know, no idea who I am or what I think.