ugh

Riveting here ain't it?! Still battling with myself as to whether it's safe to post here about how I feel, so not around much, but still following others so keeping this blog (barely) alive.
Currently the jury is out as to whether I can safely write but am still feeling lots and nowhere to go with it.
Struggling with urges to cut, as if running away from my head but keep returning to the same circular train of thoughts that will not leave me alone. Will cutting help? No. Will it reinforce my self hatred? Yes. Will it give more weight to the BPd diagnosis? Probably/yes. Wah.
But I am still alive and able to think about these things so it's not all bad.

petrified

I am petrified, unable to write due to fear of being "seen", recognised, of my anonymity disappearing. But maybe I will try again after a break? This is the third blog I have tried to write, each time retreating with the same fear, I don't want to fail again as I do think it is a way to connect with others while it remains so hard in "real" life.