to sleep or not

There have been awful new things appearing, (I think my cat notices, staring oddly and then rushing about with no direction, but noone else here to witness). I have heard voices for years - or rather, it is more that those that abused me are still around and I hear them, see them, smell them.  Describing this experience as "hearing voices" doesn't do justice to the horror but I also recognise this is how it is explained. But this is new, seeing awful  things that I can't NOT believe. Rats running amok in my flat, dead bodies slumped over my chairs, all sorts of things. Have been hoping that it's "just" sleep deprivation. Heavy duty meds, which either don't work at normal dose and I end up more exhausted and with a meds hangover, or knock me out at max dose and so feel better for having slept, but the stuff is still there. I don't need something else to contend with. Had hoped that a bit of decent sleep would sort it out. I wonder if they will go, I hope so. No appointments this week due to snow - noone to tell. Hmmmph.

...cold

... and wet, and wanting to hibernate. The weather is wild outside. My head is feeling fragile/too "borderline" and things feel a bit wild inside too. Far too many appointments this week, so glad have nothing fixed on tomorrow so am planning a day of catch up. I don't want to see anyone, explain how I feel, talk about mental health or have to leave the flat if I don't want to. Scary weather makes this a very likely scenario. My sleep is not good. 3 hours is a "good" night at the moment which isn't good at all. Insomnia allows voices and flashbacks in more too, so weary. I'd like a break, but then some might say my entire existence is a break. Yes, paranoia from the media coverage of welfare reform is getting to me big time. But not tomorrow please, a mini break tomorrow would be fine.