...that sometimes it's ok to be still

After chasing after my head, feeling unsafe if I sat down or worrying about what I hadn't done or what I should or shouldn't be doing, I NEEDed time to stop today. That is what I've done this afternoon. It has helped so much. The world hasn't collapsed because the sofa is warm from my sitting on it in the afternoon sun, my head is just about on my shoulders. This has been a couple of hours of "just" being, a huge challenge at times like now, but very welcome. I have been thinking about a new art project. Am looking at mixed media, something I haven't tried properly before and am relating it to some of the stuff in therapy. 
I feel so busy which makes me feel guilty for mentioning and and and will sound ridiculous to those who are at work. Stuff to do: many appointments, keeping up with my own demands upon myself, gym, therapy homework, clean freaking. I have been on full time distraction for weeks. I have hardly slept over an hour a night for several weeks and am feeling it badly. But I need to remember that there is a reason for needing to distract myself and that being so tired is natural when so sleep deprived and physically pushing myself in the hope of finding the missing sleep.
Stopping is good sometimes. Please slow down my busy head. 

...cold

... and wet, and wanting to hibernate. The weather is wild outside. My head is feeling fragile/too "borderline" and things feel a bit wild inside too. Far too many appointments this week, so glad have nothing fixed on tomorrow so am planning a day of catch up. I don't want to see anyone, explain how I feel, talk about mental health or have to leave the flat if I don't want to. Scary weather makes this a very likely scenario. My sleep is not good. 3 hours is a "good" night at the moment which isn't good at all. Insomnia allows voices and flashbacks in more too, so weary. I'd like a break, but then some might say my entire existence is a break. Yes, paranoia from the media coverage of welfare reform is getting to me big time. But not tomorrow please, a mini break tomorrow would be fine. 

Sunday

So, today I feel... rested. Sometimes an "admin" day to catch up on myself helps. I got up late, I went for a walk in the cold sunshine and listened to silence. I removed leaves and slugs from my tiny square of garden. I managed to catch my escaped house catkin with cajoling and silly noises, and treats. Treat of all treats for me, I had an afternoon bath. How fab. My head has quietened down, huge relief as was becoming unbearable. Busy week appointments wise, I hope hope hope I get through it ok, very anxious, but today, resting feels good.