Why do "small" things have such an effect? When I hear someone has "bounced back" from something stressful, an illness, a knock back, a redundancy, a loss, I think of resilience, strength, hope. I haven't had any of the above events happen. I have a head full of nothing that makes sense. A medical form arrives, I spend a short time with family, and all hell breaks loose inside me. I would like to bounce back, and no doubt I will crawl back to current existence soon, but also feel ridiculous for apparently minor things having such an impact. Once upon a time I worked, I seemed to manage for a while, I had friends, plans. I want to be capable, useful, look outwards not inwards. Have some bounce. How I am now, this isn't me, but this is all of me.
I don't want to see those who support me. I have nothing to say, yet I need to keep contact to get out of my hole. As I said, gwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
"How I am now, this isn't me, but this is all of me".
ReplyDeleteI think that's a really succinct way of putting it. It's a feeling that I'm very familiar with! Try not to beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed by things that are happening and belittling how you feel (by saying it shouldn't matter) might not help either ... I guess it's a question of acceptance. I'm a hypocrite for coming here and saying that. Please take care xx
thanks Ruby, You're not a hypocrite at all. I think it's hard for us to take advice that we give to others, it means you care and I thank you for that x
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