Somewhere to write, while trying to co-exist with BPD
Thursday 3 February 2011
...like giving up
Gwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Falling into a well of infinite horror. Embarrassing myself at every turn. Infested flat isn't helping and I can't sort it out. So so tired but so little ability to sleep. : (
It's a horrible time of year m'dear. Too cold and dark for house-work. Forget it. What I do is just keep one little corner clean with all the stuff I need around me - paint, pencils, books and paper- light a lamp or a few candles and treat it like a shrine. The rest of the world and the house can go f-itself. I know all the various horrors of sleep deprivation. I just try not to worry about it and just relish it when it comes, but that is all too easy to say after 3 nights sleep (a record for me). On the practical side (yawn, yawn, I've said this before), make a list of all the jobs that need doing and just try to do one small task each day if you can. You'd be surprised at the progres after only a week. (oh sorry - I remember reading your post about lists.;-)) The green text hurt my eyes a bit, but maybe it's a sign that spring is on it's way. What alot of nonsense i speak. Hope things improve soon and that you get a good rest. Things will seem oh so much better and easier after such (take a couple of benzos with your hot-chocolate of a night if you can/need to. It usually sorts me out if i'm frugal with them the rest of the time). Love. xx
Sleepers never really worked for me. i accidentially od'd on zopi a coupla times without realising it since i was still awake for next 2 days. I've found that taking about 10mg of one of the 'pams' occaisionally just helps me find a relaxed headspace in which i might doze off, or otherwise just think more restful thoughts. Orherwise, if desparate, I reach for the anti-psychotics but these are not conducive if you have to be up in the morning. Otherwise, it's a dull book, crap tv and a cheese sandwich - then just wait, without expectation, to see what the morrow brings. x
It's a horrible time of year m'dear. Too cold and dark for house-work. Forget it. What I do is just keep one little corner clean with all the stuff I need around me - paint, pencils, books and paper- light a lamp or a few candles and treat it like a shrine. The rest of the world and the house can go f-itself. I know all the various horrors of sleep deprivation. I just try not to worry about it and just relish it when it comes, but that is all too easy to say after 3 nights sleep (a record for me). On the practical side (yawn, yawn, I've said this before), make a list of all the jobs that need doing and just try to do one small task each day if you can. You'd be surprised at the progres after only a week. (oh sorry - I remember reading your post about lists.;-))
ReplyDeleteThe green text hurt my eyes a bit, but maybe it's a sign that spring is on it's way. What alot of nonsense i speak.
Hope things improve soon and that you get a good rest. Things will seem oh so much better and easier after such (take a couple of benzos with your hot-chocolate of a night if you can/need to. It usually sorts me out if i'm frugal with them the rest of the time).
Love. xx
Thank you lovely, the green text is nasty isn't it? Matches my head somehow. Am on heavy duty sleepers to no avail, maybe benzos worth a try, thanks x
ReplyDeleteSleepers never really worked for me. i accidentially od'd on zopi a coupla times without realising it since i was still awake for next 2 days. I've found that taking about 10mg of one of the 'pams' occaisionally just helps me find a relaxed headspace in which i might doze off, or otherwise just think more restful thoughts. Orherwise, if desparate, I reach for the anti-psychotics but these are not conducive if you have to be up in the morning. Otherwise, it's a dull book, crap tv and a cheese sandwich - then just wait, without expectation, to see what the morrow brings. x
ReplyDelete*massive hugs*
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself, hun. xxx
thank you Pandora xx
ReplyDeletexxx i am here and reading, but not being very much use tonight. Please take care xx
ReplyDelete