Feelings feel like flashes, no idea what they are called or how to describe, am challenged to name them, to talk about them. How to do them. Am I emotionally illiterate. Feelings dominate my life and I am in their grip.
I am in a bad place, reacting to feelings, things that I have said that I can't process. Or, rather, I am trying, through "unhealthy means"
Feelings, or words that I should be able to connect to at the moment might be:
angry, resentful, frustrated, sad, desperate, lonely, bereft, isolated, misunderstood, lost, frightened.
The list becomes meaningless, I don't understand how much pain one can experience and yet not be able to voice this or for this to be evident to others.
"I AM FINE"
I find this impossible; trying to identify and encapsulate in a single word, the weight of the nameless feeling. How heavy it seems, how i struggle and strive every single day with it laid upon my back. I make the mistake of thinking if I grind to a halt, the 2000lb anvil hanging above my head will not crush me, but it always does.
ReplyDeleteOh how I know what you mean. :-(
ReplyDeletexx