Will this last? A few things have changed. Feel in flux, but I so hope it's heading in a positive direction.
Since last summer I have struggled to sleep more than a couple of hours a night, if that, and that with medication. Somehow, the last two nights, I have slept for a few more hours. Amazing. Thank you sleep fairy for giving my head a break from myself, from the night time of horrors. I know they are still there but I escaped for a while and am so grateful.
The flat infestation is lessening. I still am not sure I believe the theory that this was hallucination but whatever, be gone, sod off, am glad to see the back of you.
I am feeling better about the whole idea of entering the TC. Wobbly but better. Don't overthink, it will be ok, it will be ok, it will be ok.
My see saw bingeing/self harm cycle has slowed. I seem to be (a bit too) disciplined in eating and determined to lose weight. Doubt this will last, but it is a nice change.
Not that they let me know, but ESA is apparently safe for a few more months.
I don't want to pre empt a fall back into hell, but this last 48 hours has let me breathe and see again.
Any sort of hope, tentative or not, has to be a good thing. I hope it lasts xx
ReplyDeletethank you, so do I x
ReplyDeleteSleep is such a benison. I'm glad you've been getting a little more. Glad also that things seem to taking a turn for the better. I hope you're able to keep hold of that little glimmer. Also, it's amazing how much relief a positive ESA decision can bring. How do they expect people to get better when they keep them in such a state of anxiety and unknowing?!
ReplyDeleteKeep going. x
Thank you lovely, yes knowing about ESA has helped, I am pathetically dependent on it while hating the system. I am practising holding onto little glimmers. My cat seems quite good at catching them, but she has good claws x
ReplyDelete